Tears For Fears
by Kahnaii
Summary: A collection of .hack/SIGN one-shots centered primarily around Tsukasa and Subaru. Each chapter is a standalone story, but they are all in the same timeline. Mostly fluff. Takes place after SIGN, during The World R:1. Always marked complete.
1. Nightmare

**Author's note:  
** **Hello, reader! This little one-shot takes place at Bear's house several months after the events of Episode 25 (Return).** **For anyone who is confused about characters, Mariko is Subaru, and An is Tsukasa.**

 **Chapter publish date:  
15 Sep 2016**

 **Summary:  
** **An and Mariko spend time together, and Mariko ponders their relationship.**

* * *

 **/ NIGHTMARE**

Mariko Misono had tried desperately, though ultimately in vain, to sleep. She checked her watch, squinting to read the delicate numbers in the pale moonlight streaming through the window behind her.

 _Two in the morning, eh?_ She stretched out the arm that was wrapped around the small girl next to her very briefly, just enough to fight the soreness, and resumed her caresses. An was sleeping, a fact which Mariko had gleaned from the lack of responses and the gentle, even breaths that escaped her. Her head had found its way onto Mariko's shoulder hours ago when they were watching a movie together, and hadn't left it since. Mariko didn't enjoy the dull ache, but couldn't complain about the contact and the fact that An was actually comfortable enough for it.

 _I wonder if I should wake her up._ It _was_ winter break, but An surely had a sleep schedule that was being ruined by her having fallen asleep so early. It was around now that she'd usually be going to bed. Mariko knew this because most nights she'd be right there online with her, playing The World until drowsiness hit them both.

It was also probably uncomfortable to sleep in such a position.

 _Ah, but she's so peaceful when she's sleeping._

Mariko's thoughts drifted to their time in The World.

The game, and along with it, their lives, were much more peaceful now than they had been.

An in particular experienced the most change since the awakening of Aura. An had finally escaped the grasps of the painful relationships she had with her father and Morganna, and had found comfort and safety with their friend Bear. Bear, Ryo to them here in the real world, had welcomed An into his home, supporting her financially so she could get a good education and heal from her traumatic upbringing. An's father had given her up so easily…

Mariko winced at the thoughts of An's past, and forced her eyes and mind to focus on the present.

An was with her, safe and loved. She had friends, a new family, and, most importantly, a future...

Mariko turned her upper body towards An, embracing her with both arms as best she could. Perhaps reflexively, An embraced back, burying her face in Mariko's chest. She rested her chin upon the sleeping girl's head, closing her eyes and smiling.

The dark-haired girl's thoughts drifted to the last time they'd said goodbye.

" _I want to focus on school, and I'm going to be living in the dorms, so..."_

When An had hurried off for the dorms to get settled, she had left Mariko with merely a kiss on the cheek and a wave. Mariko remembered sitting in her room for hours afterward, wondering if she'd misunderstood An's feelings. She was worried, scared, and felt painfully vulnerable. Tsukasa had unlocked the door to her heart, and An had left it wide open.

At the end of the night, though, An had sent a message over The World's email system.

" _Miss you already. Let's play TW tomorrow. I want to see you again._ _\- Yours."_

They had spent so much time together in The World, but when it came to the _actual_ world…

She didn't mind waiting, if that's what An truly wanted. Not knowing, however, hurt more than she thought it would. _Does she…?_

Mariko felt something damp on her chest. _An?_

An was sobbing, clinging to Mariko's sweater while her body trembled.

"An!" Mariko tried to pull her away, to somehow wake her from her nightmare. She murmured gentle words in a way she remembered An using when Mariko had fallen asleep at her desk, back when An was still trapped inside The World.

"Stop, please," An wailed softly. Her grip weakened.

Mariko gently pulled An away from her chest, careful not to exert too much force. An's face was scrunched up in pain, brow furrowed and eyes streaming. She wiped An's tears and began to plant small kisses all around her face.

An's eyes fluttered open, only a hint of clarity in them. They darted around blindly until they met Mariko's. An focused her gaze on the deep brown eyes before her even as the tears continued to flow.

"I'm here. It's okay." She did her best to smile.

"Subaru?" Her voice was slurred with drowsiness as she placed her hand upon Mariko's cheek, her eyes searching deep into Mariko's.

"Tsukasa."

An's smile radiated through the tears.

* * *

It took about an hour, but An's breathing evened out, and her heart ceased its frantic racing. She was clinging to Mariko as if she were a life raft, and the world around them was an ocean.

Neither of them had spoken, but the silence didn't bother them. Both were content with each other's company in the warm house, free of the chilling cold that blew around just outside.

"Thank you." An spoke so quickly and suddenly that Mariko almost jumped.

"Hmm?"

"For being here."

Mariko blushed. "I wasn't just going to wake you up and-"

"That's not what I mean."

"What do you…?"

"For coming here. For not leaving. For staying with me." She caressed Mariko's hand as she spoke. "I was scared with me being away all the time you'd find somebody else, and all the time I spent studying you'd spend with them." She increased pressure slightly, as if to massage. "And I was really scared you would be upset that I'm not Tsukasa."

Mariko pulled her hand away and wrapped both arms around An's slim frame. She spoke slowly, thinking carefully about her words. "After everything we've been through, I…" She paused briefly, squeezing An gently for reassurance. "I'm just happy to know you're safe."

An sighed. "I could be doing so much more for you, though."

"I'd rather you keep doing what you are. You're building a future for yourself. Ryo tells me you're doing well in your classes, and your teachers keep calling him with praises." She grinned. "He also told me you're practically a prodigy."

An hid her face, cheeks hot. "I w-wouldn't go that far." Mariko's sweater muffled her voice.

"The most important thing right now should be preparing for the future. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're brilliant, and sweet, and caring, and you deserve whatever makes you happy. I don't want to do anything against your wishes."

An sighed lightly, forgetting her embarrassment. "I feel selfish."

"You're not selfish for focusing on school. Ryo and I think it's mature of you."

"But I'm putting you on the sidelines."

"I'm not going anywhere, An. I promise." She pulled An into her lap. It was a little surreal to see and feel her so close, but to feel nothing below her waist. A pleasant warmth began to spread through her body.

"M-M-Mariko!" An stammered, blushing furiously.

 _Did I go too far?_ "I'm sorry. I-" Before she could worry any more, though, An quickly snuggled close and wrapped her arms around Mariko's neck, settling her head against hers.

They sat like that for what seemed like a beautiful eternity. Neither of the girls felt the chill slowly creeping in through the window behind them, for they were in their own world. Mariko felt herself drifting away, and An's steady breathing kept her worries at bay. An nuzzled her head closer to Mariko's ear and hugged her tightly.

"An?" Mariko inquired groggily, voice heavy with contentment and sleep.

An didn't respond for a short while, but when she did, her voice was smooth and gentle.

"I love you…"

She pulled away from Mariko and lost herself in her deep brown eyes. Behind her, through the window, snow was sleepily finding its way to the ground, flakes heavy and soft. The full moon left a white glow over everything, and Mariko's face was no exception. Her face, though, was also bright with something else.

Hope. Relief.

"An…" She pulled An's hand to her face and kissed it on the knuckles, never breaking eye contact. Her smile widened, and with damp eyes, she finally uttered the words that had been haunting her for months.

"An, I love you."

* * *

 **Author's note:  
Hope you gained some sort of enjoyment from reading this. It's my first ever fanfiction, and my second ever finished piece of creative writing. Any critique is welcomed and appreciated. If you see any glaring mistakes or OOC moments, please let me know and I'll fix it as soon as I can.  
Thanks for reading!~**


	2. Game Night

**Author's note:  
** **A century later, and I finally finish another short one-shot! This one takes place shortly after the first one, and takes place at moments in The World itself. I imagined the game while writing as the one you play in the original .hack game series for the PS2, so the field I chose and its layout was based on that, as well as the limited character animation. In addition, while An and Mariko are in the game, I refer to them as Subaru and Tsukasa to keep things clear. In addition, for the purposes of this story, Tsukasa is referred to as 'he', since the PC itself is male. Let me know if anything here is OOC or trash, and I'll update ASAP.**

 **Chapter publish date:  
** **29 Oct 2016**

 **Summary:  
** **It's late, and An and Mariko decide to pass the time the way they know best- by playing The World.**

* * *

 **/ GAME NIGHT**

The house was dark, and with all the lights off, the pale moonlight was the only thing illuminating the house. Mariko and An liked it that way; the gentle silver light comforted them both, and, in the darkness, they found comfort in each other. Whether it be through a late night on the computer together or warm hugs and gentle caresses, they each were strengthened by the other's presence.

It was mostly An that showed the occasional concern. When Mariko's face was too clouded by night to be seen, her heart would race and her body would tremble, and she'd reach for the warmth of the one she cared for the most. Mariko would offer what she could: soft reassurances and tiny kisses on her head.

Other times An was alone for the night, trying to sleep, when the darkness would seem to reach for her. She'd pull out her phone and flip through its gallery, smiling at pictures of the two of them to keep the dark corners of the room where they belonged.

This was not one of those nights. The moon was no longer full, but its glow still dominated. The pair were bundled up under a thick blanket on the couch, and had just finished watching one of An's favorite movies. They had watched almost a dozen movies since Mariko had arrived at the start of winter break, and this was one of the few An hadn't fallen asleep to. An's cheeks in particular glowed with gentle warmth, her mind and heart content.

Mariko stretched, failing to suppress a yawn. Mid-yawn, she paused when she noticed An watching her expectantly. "An?" she asked, rubbing an eye behind her glasses. "Are you tired?"

An shook her head almost imperceptibly. "No." The blanket was up to her nose, and Mariko found the sight more than just a little endearing.

"Me neither. I can tell why you enjoy that movie. The reunion at the ending was really sweet." She smiled fondly. "It woke me up quite a bit, though.

"Me too." A small smile tugged at her lips.

Mariko thought for just a moment before an idea crossed her mind. "Do you want to play The World for a little bit? We haven't played together since break started."

"Yeah." Her smile had widened, and she squeezed Mariko's hand. Her movements quick, she eagerly removed the blanket from them both and practically bounced out of the couch. Before Mariko could pull herself into a regular sitting position, An had already pushed her wheelchair by the couch.

A small blush crept into Mariko's cheeks. "Thank you." With practiced ease, she pulled herself onto the wheelchair while a concerned An held it steady. "I do this all the time, don't worry about it."

An looked away. "Ah, sorry. I just got worried 'cause it's dark." Mariko could feel her fidgeting. "I'm sorry, I won't-"

Mariko cut her off with a brisk shake of her head. "Thank you. Really." She touched An's hand so the brunette would look at her again. "I appreciate it."

"Okay." Her voice was low with a slight tremble.

Mariko stayed silent for a moment, mentally chiding herself. "Let's go play. I'll meet you in Dun Loireag."

An only nodded and headed towards her room. Mariko watched her go.

She knew they would be fine- they cared deeply for each other. They weren't in some TV drama where a simple misunderstanding would almost always destroy a relationship. Even so, Mariko couldn't stop the sinking feeling in her stomach.

 _I need to do something to make up for this. I hope I think of something soon._

She breathed deeply to clear her mind, sighed gently, and headed for the guest room. It had become like a home away from home in the past few days, but at the moment it felt more like an icebox.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Lady Subaru was standing a stone's throw from the Chaos Gate of Dun Loireag. She listened idly to the dull murmur of the public voice channel. It was surprisingly busy for the time of night, and Subaru guessed that many people were celebrating their winter break with a bit of gaming.

 _I wonder what's taking her so long._

As if on queue, the wavemaster Tsukasa gated in right then. He looked around with slightly wide eyes for a brief moment, then relaxed when his gaze met Subaru's. He came jogging over, almost instantly accepting her group invitation.

"Sorry for being late. Computer restarted."

"That's fine." Subaru glanced at her white-haired companion. "Bear put a really nice one in this room. That was kind of him."

Tsukasa scratched the back of his head. "Oh, ah, yeah, that was… That was my idea." He idly tapped the grass with his staff, looking anywhere but at her.

Subaru smiled and placed her hand over the one he used to hold his staff. "That was very proactive of you. Were you planning for this?"

"Hah, um, no, of course not." His gaze was transfixed suddenly on the rocks that floated among the dense clouds that constantly lay in a dense sheet around the root town.

She grinned, pulling back her hand to hold her large axe aloft. "Well, I think that was a great idea. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't be able to play at all together over break. Anyway, did you have anything in mind for tonight?"

He finally focused on her again. "I wanted to level up a bit." It seemed like the default thing someone would do in an MMO, but something in his voice suggested resolve and determination.

"O.K." Subaru scratched her chin. "Would you like to try and invite someone else? That might make everything go a little more smoothly."

"I…" Tsukasa diverted his gaze again. "I wanted to spend the night with you. Ah, just you, I mean."

Mariko felt herself blushing, and adjusted her neuro goggles to bring her focus back to Subaru and Tsukasa. "I wouldn't mind having you to myself for a night," she said innocently.

"Oh, uh, yeah, heh." Tsukasa stammered out a somewhat coherent words. "It, uh, um, yeah, just us. Playing a game. Yeah. The World. Heh. Yeah." His voice trailed off as An presumably moved the microphone away or covered it.

 _Did I say something strange?_ Subaru was a little confused, but shrugged it off. "So, um, do you want to do something around our level or try something more difficult?"

Tsukasa coughed, and steadied himself. "Let's do a level 30 field," he declared, voice shifting from embarrassment to steadfastness.

Subaru was briefly startled. "Are you sure? We're only-"

"I'm sure." Even with the limited capabilities of their in-game avatars, he managed to practically ooze confidence.

"O-okay. I'll find some keywords for us to try."

Tsukasa remained where he stood, waiting patiently while Subaru moved within range of the Chaos Gate.

After a minute or so, she spoke up. "How about Chosen Hopeless Melody? It's a wood field, level 30."

Tsukasa responded after a brief look through his inventory. "Perfect. I've got a few earth spells and some scrolls. I just need to stock up on some healing items. Meet you back here in five?"

* * *

The heavy axeman and wavemaster gated into Chosen Hopeless Melody, and their ears were greeted with birdsong. A brief glance was all it took before they knew where they were.

It was a forest field, one of the special kind that were divided into clearings like dungeons were into rooms. Tall trees towered overhead, their dense leaves forming a canopy that sunlight streamed through. Beyond those trees, only forest was visible, dense with vegetation.

 _It's a little surreal to know how late it is and stand in a sunlit place like this…_

Subaru breathed deeply as if she could smell the lush forest around them. "Ah, forest fields are my favorite." She smiled as she tucked a lock of teal hair behind her ear. "I'd love to go somewhere like this. To smell the trees and feel the warm sunlight. It's been far too long."

"I haven't been to a real forest."

"It's wonderful. It's like this but even more beautiful. With every new breeze you can hear all of the leaves rustling and smell all the trees and grasses. I went on a forest trail once and it was amazing. Little streams and ferns and mosses…" She was briefly lost in thought. "I think you'd like it."

"I think so too. Especially if you were there." He flashed a smile.

 _Ah, what she does to me!_ Subaru did her best to hide her embarrassment. "We should get going. Bear will be upset if we're up too late."

"We should be careful here." He murmured.

"Yes." Subaru activated a Fairy's Orb, revealing the map and all of the portals on it. "I'll keep the monsters off of you." She readied her axe. "Let's take it steady."

"O.K." He stretched and gripped his staff firmly. "I'll support you. You're not dying on my watch."

Subaru grinned, and headed for the sole gap in the dense trees.

Slowly and carefully, they then made their way from clearing to clearing, making sure to recover their life total before entering one with a monster portal in it. Subaru had stocked up on recovery items almost to excess. She didn't use them for most of the time, especially since Tsukasa was there to back her up, but the level difference made precaution a necessity.

Eventually, the familiar yellow text filled their displays, informing them that all of the portals had been opened on the field. Even though they already knew this, it was still a relief to have it confirmed.

Subaru glanced over at Tsukasa, who was replenishing their health.

"Would you like to clear the dungeon tonight?"

He finished his cast before responding. "I would. I haven't actually made it to the bottom of a dungeon in…" He looked away. "It's been a long time."

Subaru nodded even though his gaze was not on her. "O.K."

They headed for the dungeon entrance.

The dungeon was straightforward enough. They cleared it even more slowly than they had the field, using a Fairy's Orb at each level and meticulously going through each room. Either through luck or hard work, they managed to avoid death.

Finally, they had made it. Before them, a black empty doorway led to the room containing the Gott Statue.

Mariko stretched at the computer, satisfied at the small pops from her back. _I'm glad Neuro Goggles are padded. My head would be so sore otherwise…_ Her thoughts trailed off, and she immersed herself back in the game.

Subaru headed for the doorway, stopping just short. "We did it!"

"Y-yeah. We did."

She turned back. "Are you alright?"

"I'm…" He swallowed. "I'm fine."

"I'm here for you, you know?"

He nodded slightly. "I know."

"You've done this at least once since you've come back, right?"

Another nod. "Once."

"You've done it safely once, so it's unlikely that it'll happen again." She walked over to him and touched his hand. She knew he couldn't feel such touches anymore, but she figured the thought would be enough.

"I'm here for you, An. We all are. If anything tries to take you away or hurt you, they're going to have to get through all of us." She offered a warm smile. "I love you. If you're ever in danger, I'll be right there by your side. Always."

Tsukasa remained unchanged, but his voice- that voice that was still An's voice but somehow belonged more to the Wavemaster in front of her- steadied. "I'm sorry. I know it's silly to get scared like this."

"It's not silly." She took his hand. "Let's go open the treasure chest. Together."

Miraculously, or so Subaru thought, he smiled back. "O.K."

They walked through the doorway like that- hand in hand. In front of the computer, Mariko felt her heart pounding in her chest. She knew what happened would always leave remnants of fear and sadness in An, but witnessing those emotions still caused fresh pain every time.

 _Ah, but we have time. So much time. I'll be there for you, An._

Were it real life, she'd squeeze An's hand and perhaps kiss her cheek.

This was The World, though, so she simply maintained a smile and walked to the Gott Statue, never breaking contact with Tsukasa.

"You can open it, if you'd like," Tsukasa offered. "You had more items to buy than me, so maybe this could make some of your money back.

"Thank you," she replied. She knew there was more to it than that, but she appreciated the thought nonetheless.

Subaru activated the treasure, and was greeted by the chest's contents in the form of user interface pop-ups.

 _[ Yellow Candy x1 Received ]_

 _[ Silver Scarab x1 Received ]_

The last pop-up, though, caught her attention.

 _This item… It's too powerful to be here! Is this a glitch?_ She scanned the item in her inventory, taking note of its stats. _It's only a few levels above us. Maybe there's a chance for higher level items to drop like this? Ah, what are the odds, though?_

Tsukasa tilted his head. "What is it?"

Subaru turned to face him. "Well, I believe it's yours."

The staff materialized in his outstretched hand. His eyes widened and mouth parted slightly, transfixed on the beautiful weapon. The corners of his lips curled into a smile, and it was then that his movements ceased.

"So you like it?" Subaru tilted her head at the motionless Player Character. It was then that she heard sound outside of the Neuro Goggles. She carefully removed them, placing them on the desk, and turned.

Mariko was just in time to see An stumbling through the doorway of the guest room, breaths rapid and chest heaving slightly. Clearly she'd bolted from her room at top speed.

"An?"

An practically lunged at Mariko, pulling her out of her chair and into an embrace with a strength Mariko didn't know she possessed. She held Mariko up tightly but with a careful softness, planting kisses on her heated cheeks.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!~" An had stopped her kisses and began pouring out thanks breathlessly.

Mariko was almost silenced by her sudden boldness, struggling to find a proper response. Her words came out in a soft murmur. "An! P-put me down, please. I don't want you to hurt in the morning."

She didn't mind the contact- not at all- but shuddered to think of the difficulty of sore arms. Her mind went a little hazy when she thought of how strong An had become, though… Her cheeks heated further has she pushed the thoughts away.

An seemed to snap back to reality. "Oh, yeah, sorry." She slowly eased Mariko back into the wheelchair, making sure to let her get comfortable before letting go. Fortunately for Mariko's sake, An smiled and chuckled. "I'm sorry. I got really excited." She blushed and played with one of her long sleeves.

"I didn't know you were so strong." Mariko readjusted her glasses, which had almost fallen off in the excitement.

"I've been taking self-defense classes after school," she stated shyly.

"You always amaze me, An." Mariko gripped her hand firmly, stroking the side with her thumb idly. It truly did amaze her. Months of hopelessness and powerlessness had gripped her tightly, yet now An fought a constant battle for self-improvement.

 _This girl, no- this woman… I have so much to learn from her._

An's brows furrowed in thought for a moment until she reached her other hand out to cup Mariko's cheek.

She leaned into An's hand, eyes fluttering closed and cheeks warm. _What she does to me…_

Lit only by the cool glow of the computer monitor, An leaned in and pressed her cool, soft lips to Mariko's. Her heart pounded with nervousness, excitement, and, more than anything else, elation, as she closed the space between them.

To say Mariko was not surprised would be a lie, but she managed to take it all in stride, freeing her hands and lifting them to the sides of An's head. Her fingers buried themselves in An's soft, short brown hair, which emitted the floral aroma of shampoo. She returned the kiss, grateful that An had managed to do what she'd been too nervous to do herself.

After a quiet moment was shared, they parted, smiles wide on both their faces. An stood straight after reclaiming Mariko's hand.

"Was that okay?" she inquired, voice gentle.

"Oh, yes." Mariko looked away. "That was my first."

"Mine too." An squeezed her hand lightly.

Emboldened by the contact, she lifted her gaze to meet An's again.

"We should have game nights more often."

* * *

 **Author's note:  
And so it ends. I didn't want to drag it out for too long, and I've never written stuff like this. Let me know how I did! Critique is welcomed.  
Thanks again for reading!~**


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